3 months and 4 days left...

Presidential Election is over. There was a conclusion. TT won and he is the new President of Singapore. But, what about us? What about Clovis? When this saga is over, what will be our conclusions? I am afraid to speculate, because to me, there can never be alternatives. I must make it happen. This family cannot split. Wife was sad today. She wept, because she was afraid of losing Clovis. I can't lose him, and I am prepared to put in all my efforts to make him a successful person. But ultimately, I do not want this family to split. Again, she mentioned it was impossible, I broke down. I couldn't resist tearing, because the though of that was simply terrible, and the outcome was unimaginable. The worst victim in this scenario, is none other than Clovis. No matter who he is following, he will lose out. I hope that things do not turn out the way it is intended. I do not want the family to split. For so many years, I do not pray, I do not even pray for my career advancement or my academic results. This time, I pray, I pray that some force will help me, and my family to stay intact.

3 Months and 7 days left....

Yesterday night and today seemed to be the worst days of my life. Never did I cry so much in two days. My eyes were swollen, and my whole mood dived straight to the pit. I felt like going home the moment I stepped out of house. I did not sleep much. In fact I slept for less than 4 hours. I cried for over two hours, because she lied to me and once again, she betrayed my trust. She mentioned that 'it does not matter' whether she spoke the truth or not. It hurts. 5 years of being together, and this is how it turned out to be. I believe that any guy who is involved in such a situation would definitely walked out of the marriage. But, I wanted to walk back in, all because I treasure this relationship and I treasure this family, with Clovis around. I want an intact family, and not the family where the parents are living their own world.

Anyway, I cried when I saw Clovis, and I cried in the bathroom. I do not know why, but I just broke down, just like that. I am very afraid that Clovis will one day blame me for his broken family, but I guess I have to take full responsibility. He seemed to know that I am very sad today. The moment he saw me weeeping, he did not laugh, he just stared at me. He was wondering where my smile has gone to. I tried to smile, but I could not. He did not know what is coming, and I do not wish to know too. I just want to move on, and do my best to salvage this family. It is too much for the family to break.

Here, Clovis has his own room decorated, just for him. Elsewhere, will not be his home. Here, the whole house is our pride, our very own taste and our very own idea. I do not bear to let it go, because this house belongs to us. I am really afraid the day will come that this house has to go. I am afraid that Clovis has no room to call his own. I am afraid that he will be laughed at in school, and I am afraid he will feel embarrassed and ashamed.

I will try my best to keep this family, but perhaps it is really too late. I am not sure, and I really hope Dec will not come, at least for this year. Avoidance? Perhaps, I can't face the pressure when it comes.

After 4 years...

It has been 4 years since I have updated my blog. Perhaps, I tried to forget what was written here so that I can move on with my life. But I am back, because the memories for 2006 was a wonderful one. Perhaps this blog will stop in December 2011. I hope not. Now I am rewriting my entry not because I want to inform, but I want to prevent myself from forgetting, and start to recall whenever I read the entries.

3rd February 2011, the day (or night) that my son is born. Of course, the mother is my wife, Ann, Sze Ki, or Kittyki (however you call, she is my wife). It was a very joyous occasion, as this little Clovis is one of the three babies there were first to come to Singapore when the clock strikes 12 on the day of Chinese New Year. Things seemed to be so happy and smooth sailing. As what many Chinese thought, this will be a 'Huat' baby. What is more important, is that Clovis is born healthy and safe, while my wife has finally ended her agony bearing this little naughty one. Her PUPPP got worse each day while she was carrying him, and it was thought that her appetite would improve after first trimester. It didn't. And in fact, it got worse. My wife had difficult times when he was in her tummy. And when Clovis was finally born, and when she held him, tears rolled down her eyes. I believe that was the start of the motherly love and it was definitely a touching moment. In my mind, I was thinking, finally this boy can salvage our marriage.

Rolling back to 1st Dec 2008, when I kneeled down in front of the public in Taiwan 101, with 99 roses and a proposal ring (that I custom-made and brought over), My ex-gf (current wife) was into tears and nodded her head when I asked the most important question of our lives. It was definitely a sweet moment, and of course I cried, too. Because our times being together were full of ups and downs. I was relieved when she said 'yes' as I was very afraid that she rejected me, not because I was scared of losing face, but because I was scared that she will not be willing to walk together with me for the rest of our lives.

Perhaps, my fear will come true in Dec 2011. Perhaps all came to late, and perhaps, I did not treasure what was right in front of me, and perhaps I have taken things for granted.

Clovis is 6 mths and 21 days old now, going on to 7th month. A healthy and cheeky baby. Double eyelid, dimples and big eyes. He is so adorable that whenever there was a stranger that walked past or in the lift, he/she would take a second look at him, some irresistibly trying to get his attention. This little Devil has simply captured almost everyone's heart, especially my wife's and mine. It was unanimously agreed that Clovis is our number one reason why we are here, and perhaps that is the reason why my wife has stayed. Perhaps not for long.

Come Dec 2011, things may change, for the three of us. No longer will we be together and no longer Clovis will have the love given by both of us at the same time. While I am typing this, my tears suyddenlyappeared, and I can no longer see the screen clearly. I am typing with my heart. I do not want this to happen, and I do not wish this to happen. Clovis needs both of us to be around, and I am sure of that. If I am Clovis, I would be very selfish that I need the love from both of my parents, and no divided love. I believe a child can only grow up healthily with the presence of both parents, and of course with two sets of grandparents (as far as possible) as well.

It is my fault. I take athe whole blame that Clovis ends up (or will end up this way). He shouldn't have been born, to this cruel world, where the adult's problems become his problems. I am sorry, very sorry, Clovis. Your dad is very unforgivable in this. I cannot provide a complete family for you. Moreover, I am sorry to mywife, where I am unable to give her happiness - the care, the concern and the listening ear that she has yearned for the past 5 years. 23rd August 2011, is our fifth year holding our hands. It was supposed to be a day which we should be looking for. I bought her the wedding band that she initially wanted (the previous one was too small for her), bought 60 pink roses (that represented 5 years of 12 months so far...)

Sorry I can't carry on...I am confused. Will carry on later....

3 months and 8 days left.

Fajar Career Exhibition 2007

Fajar Secondary School will be organising a Career Exhibition on 30th August 2007 (Thursday). This event is to provide the students in Fajar Secondary School a headstart of their area of interest in their future career. The event also aims to give our students a wider view of higher level learning and how the working society is. With this, we would like to open our doors to interested organisations which will lead our students into another dimension of the working society.

The Career Exhibition is a single day event, which has been set on the above-mentioned date from 2 pm - 4pm. This event will also coincide with the Parent-Teacher Conference .

Participating Organisations are:

1. NTU

2. Ngee Ann Poly

3. Nanyang Poly

4. Republic Poly

5. Singapore Poly

6. Temasek Poly

7. ITE College West

8. Nanyang Academy if Fine Arts

9. Raffles Design Institute

BONUS!

Crew from 98.7FM will be coming down to Fajar Secondary School on the same day! They will make an appearance at 11.45 am in the school hall to promote DJs as a career! Interested students are free to attend! Rozz & Shan from 98.7Fm will be there!

Polytechnic Guide

You may have come to a point of deciding where to go after Secondary School years. Here is a guide for you. It is comprehensive and well-rounded. Do take a look!

Here is the webby:

http://www.polyguide.net/

Mid-Autumn Festival

Victory Sign

Being forced to hold the lantern...

She seemed to be enjoying herself!

Ok, not the real Paris, but good enough!

Self Taken Pic!

Leaning Tower

Took a pic while waiting. Look at the queue behind!

It has been YEARS since I have celebrated Mid-Autumn Festival. And it has been YEARS since I stepped into Chinese garden.

On 5th october 2006, I went to the Chinese garden with my loved one and take a look at it.

The crowd was there, even for the car queue. We waited for 30 minutes before we could get into the carpark and waited another 30 minutes before we could buy the tickets.

But it was a worthwhile trip and I spent my time with someone I love.

Anniversary

Went to Rochester on 24th September 2006 to celebrate our anniversary. Had a great dinner, but it was very hot. There is no air-conditioning.

Everyone was busy.

Including myself.

Sec 4E/5NA students took prelims some time ago. And now the stress level is boiling. O levels starts next week, with Science Practicals launching the opeining. Stress is good. And you need stress to push yourself higher. I hope that all the students are working on it! Just cross this hurdle and you are moving on to another level. Do not stay in this level. It will not feel good.

Sec 4NA / 4NT took their N levels a couple of weeks ago. They should be enjoying at this time. Well, they have some time to go before getting their results in December. Hope all of the 4NA students can make it back for Sec 5 NA!

The rest have just taken their exams and they should be heaving sighs of relief that their 'agony' was finally over! Now they are just enjoying themselves with games, relaxation and sleep!

Haix...the teachers...enjoyment? Erm....Not really. Teachers have been slogging like a bull since 03 Jan 2006 and they have not stopped until now. They can't. And if they do, they are shortchanging the students. Marking, planning, working on 2007. ...

So how do we entertain ourselves, despite our busy schedule? Simple. Time managment.

There is a NEED to relax ourselves, including the students. But where does the difference lie? Time. Many of the students tend to gear towards relaxation and games and they cannot stop. The temptations are too high.

So how?

Rationalise and self discipline. You MUST realise that studying is the TOP priority. If you did not realise that, then, you cannot move on. You will stick to your games, to the TV programmes and ... to the bed :)

You must MAKE a timetable, either in your mind, or visually drawn. Manage your time and make sure that the studying time is as much as sleeping time - 8 hours.

Let me give an example. (With respect to students taking O levels)

Let us say you wake up at 8am in the morning.

You spend 30 minutes to prepare yourself.

You take another 30 minutes to have your breakfast.

Now, you start to study. You can't possibily study for whole straight 8 hours! Take a break after every hour.

So from 9 - 10, 5 minutes break followed by 10 - 11am, then 11 - 12pm, 12 - 1pm. (NOW, please do make sure that within each hour, one past year paper, or one toipic is done, with FULL understanding)

1 - 2pm is time for lunch.

2 - 3pm is for entertainment: You can start playing with your computer, msning, chit chat or even check emails. BUT, you must STICK to your time.

3 - 4 pm: Back to study, until 6pm.

6 - 7pm: Dinner!

7 - 8pm: Bathing time!

8 - 9pm: Final revision

9pm - 10pm: Relaxation!

10 - 12MN: Preparation for things to study the next day and review of what you have done. Check on things that you ARE supposed to do and have NOT done. Plan on how to COMPENSATE what you have lost.

12MN - 8am: Sleeping time!

Now, this is just a suggested timing. No matter what timetable you have, you MUST follow.

Please note that you can do GROUP studying, but it MUST be constructive and not "Gossiping" session. Refrain from going places in which that you need to take a public transport. It is a waste of time.

Some don'ts:

Multitasking: Watch TV, On your computers, MSNING, talk on phone, SMSing while studying. (You can do that LATER)

Lie on bed: It is VERY tempting to sleep

Study near the bed: It is VERY distracting

Study in noisy environment: It is irritating

Be aimless: You need to PLAN what to study during the hour, rather than decide when the time comes.

Be easy going: You MUST keep to your time. You can't have the thinking that you will do for the extended time if you cannot finish the paper. You MUSt time yourself. This will come in handy when you are taking the National Exams.

Ok, come to the fundamentals. You need to be disciplined. The rest is up to you.

Even if you are tired, you can't go to bed. You CANNOT. As it will affect your timetable. You can't SMS if you are studying, it will break your momentum.

If you do trust me, try it. BUT, I must warn you. It is torturous. But, think of it, everything comes sweet after a hard work. You will not experience it immediately, maybe in March 2007? Or when you grow up.

Why are we not disciplined? 'Coz we can't see the results immediately. One note - be patient. And you will see it.

Work Smart, not hard. Plan your schedule. You MUST.